Jacob: hello friends, Jacob here for the final interview. Now I know you have all been waiting a long time for this, and so have we. It’s not every day the boss gets brought down a peg, and the whole Thoughts of a Thinker staff took the opportunity to ask their own questions as well.  We wanted to add a few reader-sent questions but I didn’t think it would be fair to the others staffers, so we’ll save that for another day. Now let me introduce my good friend Solace Arrives.

Solace: Thanks J-man, and hello folks. You know I have to admit I’m a little scared doing this. I’m not used to being the center of attention.

J: I haven’t even asked a question and you’re already lying. You and that safari hat of yours… why are you wearing that?

S: well it was brought up a lot so I thought I’d wear it… to the interview… that is in text form.

J: just caught on did we?

S: we can edit that right? I’ll ask Andy to do it.

J: I’m sure he will. Fist question then, where were you born?

S: I was born in California to Frederick and Dianna Abiit, who days later left me in the hospital lobby. Luckily there was a visiting doctor and her artist wife within earshot of my cries for food, their names are Abigail and Janette Arrives. After months of searching, they found Dianna who explained Frederick never wanted me because the cost of a child would interfere with his drug habit, at least I can say he stuck to his guns.

I was two when I became an Arrives and moved to Baltimore with my new mothers. I don’t remember the move but they told me I was quiet the whole plane ride. Jan told me I looked around a lot and winked at all the flight attendants, which meant I was constantly being given chocolate milk.

J: did your mom’s ever tell you why it took so long to adopt you?

S: Dianna wouldn’t let go easily, I spent my first six months in her care but after the third time Fred went to court high as a kite, I was taken into protected custody. I think Dianna really wanted me back, from what Abby told me. But Fred just wanted to win me to sue Abby and the hospital for child endangerment.

J: what a dick.

S: yeah, then Dianna didn’t make it to the next two hearings and he even missed the following one.  When the judge found out he had beaten her into a coma days before they awarded Abby and Jan custody. He overdosed while in prison for the beating, Dianne held on for a couple of months after that but died from her injuries.

J: I never know what to say to that.

S: same as I do, a nice woman died because the man she loved took advantage of her tenderness. He is a vile and vicious visage of a man, the hole where his soul should be was filled with a demon that lashed out to those around him. I didn’t know either of them, but I feel bad for the cards they were dealt. Let’s move on.

J: how old where you when you decided to be a writer?

S: I don’t think I ever decided, I was just good at making things up. Jan once told me about a trip we took to Niagara when I was three. We took the ferry like all the other tourists and while they were taking pictures I started to cry. I was inconsolable because I could swear I saw a terrifying monster hiding behind the crashing falls. It was a giant owl with emerald eyes that could see how scared I was, and its mouth was large enough to swallow the boat. It was just waiting for the falls to empty and it would fly out of its prison and rain destruction on the world. It took an hour for them to convince me it was all my imagination, and another to explain to me what an imagination was.

Abby, who wasn’t artistic in any sense of the word, gave me the best advice that day. She said ‘regardless of how frightening, dangerous, or sad it may be, remember that your imagination is your best friend and with it you can do anything.’ Jan gave me some advice, too, though it was more of a warning I guess. She told me ‘but like a friend, don’t count on him being there all the time, he has a life too you know.’

J: words of wisdom. We need to make Abby’s a poster for writers to hang, and Jan’s a shirt for hipsters to wear.

S: we could corner the market.

J: I seem to remember an uncle, want to tell us about him?

S: Uncle Bart, I miss that old man. Remember when we went fishing in his brand new boat, and ten year old Jacob thought he could take us to a better fishing spot.

J: man he was pissed.

S: no shit, you flipped the ship and lost the poles. But he did catch four trout in his shirt didn’t he.

J: the way he looked at the damn things while he ate was priceless. He had no choice since lunch was in the car and the keys were in the sink.

S: I was sad to see him leave though, but he loved that tribe of his.

J: I think you need to explain.

S: oh yeah, well Uncle Bartholomew was an Apache who taught at his reservation. When we had to move for mom’s work he stayed behind. Since they died I haven’t been in contact with him as much as I’d like to be, plus his students need him more than me I guess. First thing I do when this all blows over will be going to see him.

J: I’d ask you about our little situation but I think I’ll save it till next time.

S: well folks this was part one, from Jacob and myself, till next time (insert sign off here).

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