I have been staying with the Chitunki (silent K) Orc tribe for a month now, and let me say I can’t believe I am still alive. I have been chased by a Dragon, beaten by a pack of Goblins and sat on by the Orc chief, Baga. All of the women treat me like the ugly child and the children treat me like, well the ugly child. But damn if I’m not learning more than anyone in my field of study.

The Dragon, a young Green Dragon, stupidly decided the river within view of the Orc village was the perfect place to stop for a drink. It was the first time I have ever seen a dragon up close and possibly the only time I will ever see one with a look of surprise on its face when no less than forty Orcs charged it with clubs and axes. Baga, the first to reach it, jumped on its back with absolutely no fear and dragged it down to its belly before anyone else made it to the river bank.

Orcs have the most amazing way of fighting. To the untrained eye it looks like a massive frenzy to get a hit, any hit, in. but I saw a pattern that day, they attacked in order of rank. It looked random only because they were all a jumble, but I saw Baga hit first, then Darnook, Blenfo, Alga, Roogs, and so on. When Frab finally hit, the whole thing started over until the young beast was left clinging to life. That’s when Baga called for me to kill it. Now don’t go thinking I was given an honor, what did I just say. They go by rank and I had to wait for a total of three rotations before it was my turn. They did cheer though when I stuck my blade in its eye and into its brain, killing it. This was week number two.

Week three was exciting because they trusted me enough to hunt with them. This too is something we as a civilized people have never seen before. Their tactics, I learned after talking with a kingdom guard friend, are surprisingly advanced for a race we think are brutes.

The Chitunki spread far and wide around a clearing in the Sweeping Wilds, and closed in making as much noise as possible. In a twist of events they didn’t catch a flock of wild Migder, no they surrounded a band of Goblins. The battle that ensued was bloody. It is historically accurate to say that Orcs and Goblins hate each other, but from this experience I can surmise that hate is nowhere near the right word to use.

They literally tore each other limb from limb. I had to abandon all scientific endeavors and protect myself from Goblin attacks and stampeding Orcs. Even though they were outnumbered five to one, the Goblins killed two of the Chitunki and nearly killed me.

That same night, after a feast of Goblin soup and tremendous celebration, Baga sat on me. He broke me severely enough that he sent me off with a small group to the nearest civilized town, Gourd City. They left me at the edge of the city, as expected, to walk into to town and find medical attention. I passed out in the middle of a busy street and awoke in the basement of the apothecary. I’ve been here for two weeks, still unable to walk. But as soon as I can, you can be sure I will be back with the Chitunki.

-Professor Argathon Finwhispy


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